say her name first.

17 Aug

Today’s post contains one of those ideas that, I freely admit, is born out of my own curmudgeonly mind.  Unlike many of the entries on You’re A Grown Man,  this idea is not a part of some lost art of manliness that I’m trying to resurrect, it’s something brand new for us to implement.   So, if you’ll allow me, here is my contribution to the greater good.

When a man is introducing his significant other to someone, he typically says something like, “This is my wife, Michelle”.  Then, we all smile, shake hands, and move on.  Not me though, I begin to boil.  Deep in my stomach, I get a retching sensation akin to the flu or every meal I’ve ever had at Applebee’s.  I just want to scream, “Hey, she’s more important than her title!”  But alas, a Grown Man doesn’t lose his composure, rather, he writes an anonymous blog.

Grown Men, when you are introducing your companion, you must lead off with her name.  Then, once you’ve established who she is, you may then add her relationship to you: my wife, my girlfriend, my mom, my life coach, my court appointed liaison.  No matter how awkward it may sound at first to drop the traditional rhythm of title/name, I assure you that your trend setting politeness will more than compensate.

Grown Man, first of all – Applebee’s rules, how dare you!  Also, why would I do this?  It feels a little emasculating.

First of all, that place gave me food poisoning two times from two different locations.  I’m just sayin’.   Secondly, there’s nothing emasculating about being respectful and putting others ahead of yourself.  The reason I want us to lead off with the name is not because I think we’re weak and should no longer be proud of our companions.  It’s because we’re strong enough to say, I value that person as an individual more than I value their contribution to my life.

Believe me, there’s nothing that makes me more proud than someone meeting Grown Woman, my wife, and being super impressed with her (which they always are).  But the fact is, before Grown Woman said “I do” to Grown Man, she was still a freaking accomplished, funny, independent person.  At no point did her misguided and foolish betrothal to me trump that, it just added.  Therefore, she’s her before she’s a part of us.

One more thing, this rule goes for introducing anyone you’re with. While it’s particularly jarring to me in the context of a relationship, it’s really a rule across the board.  Everyone deserves this level of respect.

Well, I think that’s it for today.  Usually these posts are twice as long and filled with lists and scores of obscure references that make me feel superior.  However, I’ve said what I need to say and am going to exit gracefully.

Happy Monday, gentlemen.  Go get em…

12 Responses to “say her name first.”

  1. Cathy 17 August 2010 at 1:03 pm #

    LOVE it & your blog too! [=

  2. Pop 17 August 2010 at 1:13 pm #

    Interesting, GM! I never really thought about it like that. Great post as always!

    • You're a Grown Man 17 August 2010 at 2:11 pm #

      Thanks, Pop. I didn’t’ think of it either until a few years ago. It seems so obvious, doesn’t it?

  3. jordanhickman 17 August 2010 at 6:56 pm #

    I totally agree with this one, Grown Man. Your insightful words and excellent posts keep me coming back for more.

  4. Trying in KY 17 August 2010 at 10:31 pm #

    Oh Grown Man, I already know how this will go… This is the advice that I’ll remember every time immediately AFTER I do it the wrong way. Old habits are hard to break.

  5. Amy 18 August 2010 at 12:32 pm #

    This is such an awesome point. When we introduce ourselves, do we say our title first or our name? It makes sense to introduce others the same way.
    What gives me the Applebee’s gags is when a woman introduces herself as “Mrs. Bob Blowhard.” Do you not have your own first name, lady!?

  6. Ian 25 August 2010 at 8:43 am #

    I whole-heartedly agree with this…and I have also been food poisoned twice by Applebees’ awful, gut-wrenching plastic excuse for food.

  7. Mr. Payne 2 February 2012 at 6:58 pm #

    Dear Grown Man,

    Actually, the most proper and therefore most grown manly protocol for introductions involving a woman is to introduce others to her first, thusly:

    “Dear, may I introduce Mr. George Clooney of Hollywood. George, this is Mrs. Matuzak (or Barbie, my wife).”

    Otherwise your point is well taken.

    As ever,
    Mr. Payne

  8. MD 13 February 2013 at 1:00 pm #

    Interestingly, this saying-name-first, then a pause, then title is commonplace in South America. Good post.

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