Tag Archives: funeral

Ask a Grown Man: Vol. IV

8 Jul

Gentlemen, start your engines….

Dear Ask A Grown Man,

I’m a 20-year-old woman and for sometime, since high school, I never liked guys my age. I guess you can say I have a thing for “silver-foxes”. My girl friends/guy friends think this is odd, and tease me about it. At the same time, I AM with an older man and we’re very much in love with one another. I can care less about what people say, but my boyfriend is more concerned about what people WILL say about ME in particular. What is the best way for my boyfriend to deal with this?

Anonymously yours,
Silver-Fox Chick

Silver-Fox Chick’s 85-year-old boyfriend,

Well, you’ve got a live one on your hands, mister. How wonderful is it to finally have a special lady to share Bunco and 4pm dinners at Golden Corral with!?  Furthermore, she can help you remember all your pills and ensure that the “damn internet is switched on!” Oh yes, my friend from the Greatest Generation, you’ve snagged a real whippersnapper.

Now, the question seems to be how you will deal with people giving her crap for ogling octogenarians.  And, because you’re a good guy, you should care deeply about how the woman you love is being treated.  But before I answer that question, I want to throw the Jazzy Chair in reverse and look at the bigger picture.

Do her friends have a point?

Damn it Grown Man, how dare you!  I was knee-deep in rice patties when you were still in short pants!

Now wait, “watch your blood pressure, honey”, and listen to me.  When all of our friends are telling us something, we should at least consider it.  The mere fact that we’re friends with them tells us that, at some point, we felt safe enough to bestow an extra measure of trust.  That trust, in good times, is a gift; and in contrary times, is uncomfortable but worth hearing out. So, the friends think this is “odd.” Let’s look at why…

Option 1: Gigantic age differences can sometimes, again sometimes, be an indicator of something deeper that has yet to be resolved. Here’s some simple math:

Young woman + issues (probably dad) = sometimes dating an older dude to fill that void

Don’t quit reading – please.  Because that first option takes a ton of liberties with your story and, in all likelihood, is not accurate.  But we’ve got to be bold enough when we’re in a relationship to consider the genesis of the attraction.  Only then can we move forward in a healthy relationship and quit responding to our past.

Option 2: People reject anything that’s different. “The Friends” were expecting Silver-Fox Chick to date someone in her normal (key word: normal) age range.  When she didn’t, they started goofing on her.  It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just how people who are afraid to say how they really feel, express themselves.  We’re all guilty of it.

J. Howard Marshall, you’ve got to feel great dating a woman who will put up with her friends teasing just to be with you.  And, assuming that Option 2 is the real cause for concern, I would let it go and proudly love this woman.  Over time, her friends will care more about the fact that she’s being treated well then the fact that you’re collecting a pension from the WPA.

“We can talk or not talk for hours!”,

How long do I have to be a grown man?


Mr. Martindale,

Probably until you stop asking that question, my friend.

Oooooo, so existential.

-GM Kierkegaard

Thank you for reading!  Until next week…ask away.

dress less stupid for weddings & funerals.

8 Apr

I was at a funeral today. It was sad, the music was terrible, the “anybody want to share?” part was drawn-out and awkward, I was wearing a suit. However, what’s almost as sad as the deceased was the appalling choice of outfits for the men in the crowd. Ready for this?

1-Forest green golf shirt, pleated khaki pants, braided leather belt, deck shoes
2-Tommy Bahama-like shirt, jeans, deck shoes
3-Some sort of Under-Armor, muscle man shirt tucked into jeans with a black belt and deck shoes.

For the love of God, let’s set some ground rules for common decency at a wedding or funeral.

-Wear a freaking suit. You’ll never be over dressed, you’ll never be under dressed. Remember: black, charcoal, or blue only, no flair, a tie that would have looked cool 50 years ago, decent shoes.

-If it’s hot, wear a suit – somebody is getting married or dying, you can suck it up.

-If it’s a “casual” wedding on the beach or one of those funerals that try to be all new-wave and Indie by calling themselves a memorial service or a celebration of life (yuck) – wear a suit.

-Let’s say you feel very strongly that wearing a suit will be overkill for your given event. First, ask your more fashionable friend and see what he thinks. However, any male friend gets what I, and the south, call a three-fifths compromise. For the other two-fifths of an opinion, you’ve got to run this by a girl. If she affirms your casual instincts – wear a jacket OR a tie. But for real, it’s important that you not go without one or the other.

Repeat after me:
I [state your name],
promise to dress like I care,
promise to find a dry cleaner and frequent them,
promise to always wear a tie and/or jacket,
and promise to get serious about my marrying and burying fashion.

You may kiss the bride.

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