Tag Archives: finances

get the bill.

12 Apr

Imagine, if you will, a pleasant evening out with friends filled with drinks, laughing, appetizers, engaging stories, a well prepared fillet of [insert meat name], and dessert. Wow, what a night! Then, the inevitable happens, the awkward exchange between men that usually goes like this:

“Hey man, I got this one”
“No way, we asked you out”
“No no no, this is on me bro, seriously” [eye contact is made, a dominate male is established]
“Well, thank you, but we’ve got next time!”
“Deal”

Here’s why that exchange is crap. First, you already knew before you went in that you weren’t paying. If you did know you were paying, you wouldn’t have ordered an appetizer or a Johnnie Walker Black. The fact is, the exchange of awkwardness is still less awkward than:

“Hey man, I got this one”
“You know what, it’s probably best that you do. In fact, you and your wife are C-list friends who we only hung out with in the hopes of going to [insert trendy eatery] and not having to pay. The simple truth is, you owe us for our time and the least you could do is hook us up. So thanks.”
“Cool, thanks for your [sniffle] candor. [single tear rolls down his cheek]”

Here’s my challenge for you. Quit being a college guy and buy dinner. Nobody thinks your half-hearted attempts at generosity are real. We all know that you mooch and would never, EVER, really make a strong enough challenge to actually pony up. But for real, you’ve got a job, you hate that job, you spend tons of money on stupid crap like Madden 2015 and Ed Hardy* shirts – buy dinner.

Once a month, ask a friend or friends out to a decent restaurant and do the deed. You’ll love it, they’ll feel like they’re your friends, and you will finally know that you’re a grown freaking man.

*Bonus advice: Burn every Ed Hardy shirt you own. Buy a polo.

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