Ask A Grown Man: Vol. I

17 Jun

What a great response to this, the inaugural Ask A Grown Man post.  Let’s get this party started…

Is getting pissed at someone while driving ever acceptable when you’re with your lady friend?

James

Yes, it’s perfectly acceptable to get pissed all you want.  In fact, right now, start thinking about the most angry moment in your life.  Got it?  Are all the other kids from 2nd grade there?  Is your lower lip quivering with the sting of Kyle Poopkowski’s right hook?  Seethe in that moment. Let the Dark Side engulf you, Luke.  Now that you’re angry, is it affecting anyone?  Nope. It’s still just you at your job wasting time on a blog and mad as hell.  And guess what? Getting mad is totally fine.

James, the question you’re really asking is, “Is acting out on my anger while driving acceptable?”  And that, my brother in temperance, is met with a resounding “No.”  Going nuts in the car (with or without a lady friend) is one of the most passive and pointless forms of anger.  Grown Men love to lose their crap behind the wheel because they know there won’t be any actual confrontation.  It’s an easy way to feel tough without actually being tough.  Grown Men are supposed to be brave though – not passive.

Don’t get me wrong, cars are death machines that, in the end, will likely be the undoing of our civilization.  Furthermore, it’s perfectly understandable that when a fellow driver almost kills you and your loved ones, you’ll get upset.  The real test of a man isn’t if he gets mad, but how he responds to that anger.  I suggest waving and smiling to the offending driver, it really pisses them off.

-GM

Liberal or Conservative?

Jon M.

Educated and passionate.

Grown Men are entitled to different ideologies, but they’re not permitted to be passive.

-GM

Hey GM,

How can I get my [girlfriend] to start working out? You are the only one with the intelligence and creativity to help me! Hahahaha

Wally

You better be hahahahaha-ing, Wally, because you’re just about to lose your girlfriend.  You know you can’t ever, ever, ever, under any circumstances, ever mention “wanting her to work out more,” right?  Wally, take it from the Beav, you are going to crush your girlfriend if you ask that question.  However, you can:

1- Model a healthy lifestyle in the hopes that you don’t die at 50 and she follows suit.
2- Reexamine your perception of beauty and make changes in you that allow you to see that you’ve fooled a beautiful woman into dating you.
3- Break up with her.

What?

Yep, if you can’t do #1 or #2 (snicker) and she’s just not attractive to you anymore, end it.  I’m telling you,  this woman deserves to be with someone who thinks she is the cat’s pajamas for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.  Would it be great if she started working out?  Yes – for her.  Should she be with someone who is hella attracted to her no matter what? Yes sir, she should.

Good luck, Wally.  I bet you don’t think I’m that intelligent and creative now, do you?

-GM

Dear Grown Man:

How ever did you get so wise?

-Grown Woman who wishes more grown men read and learned from your blog

GWWWMGMRALFYB, this is the unanswerable question that has vexed generations of scholars.  I assume it’s a healthy diet of fiber and beer, but I can’t be sure really.

The real question is, how ever did you get so nice? Thanks for the thought-provoking question, I’ll be thinking about it all day.

-GM

And, last but not least….

Why is it that nice guys finish last all the time? Why do we have to wait till we are older to finally stop getting the short end of the stick?

Daniel

I’m so sorry Daniel, we’re all out of time.

Just kidding, bud – step away from the ledge.  I’m sorry you feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick in life.  I promise you, if you keep eating a healthy breakfast, being as polite as you can be, and going outside every weekend – you’ll finish first.

Girls that go for bad guys are not the ones you’re looking for.  You’re a good man, Daniel. Don’t change that because you’re older and, I’m presuming, still searching for a lady friend.  However, don’t roll over and wallow in self-pity.  Ask a girl out for coffee – this week – and if you get rejected, buy yourself a pint at the local pub and let it go. Then, like the back of the shampoo bottles say: wash, rinse, repeat.  Never stop being bold – even if you’re the last nice guy on earth.

-GM

Well, that’s all for this week, thanks for reading.  Do you have anything you want to ask a Grown Man?

24 Responses to “Ask A Grown Man: Vol. I”

  1. Hanna 17 June 2010 at 12:18 pm #

    Grown Man, THANK YOU! This is just the advice I would give, only coming from a “lady-friend” it wouldn’t be as effective. Or humorous.
    Long live Grown Men!

    P.S. To the guy on the ledge: I’d like to apologize on behalf of women for the hurt feelings of Grown Men who feel like they finish last. Women are too insecure and starving for attention to realize that they want respect and love from nice guys instead of ones less easy to impress. I suspect we’re all at fault.
    Cheers!

    • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:19 am #

      Thanks, Hanna! And thank you for your affirmation of “Guy on a ledge”. While I know a majority of women aren’t out for the bad guys, Daniel seems to have been burned enough to feel like they are. Thanks for speaking up and encouraging him to keep on keepin’ on.

      Cheers!

  2. Coco 17 June 2010 at 1:02 pm #

    GM – thank you for your response to Wally. If I may, I’d like to add one thing. Basing the worth of a relationship on how someone looks may work in the short term, but it rarely leads to lasting trust, affection, and love. Smokin’ abs and shiny hair fade away for everyone, eventually. True beauty sticks around when you’re undergoing chemo, have lost all your hair, and can’t ingest solid foods.

    • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:22 am #

      Well put, Coco. I really think Wally has it in him to love his current or future significant other in this way. It just takes a little time to get the whole “better or worse, sickness or health, richer or poorer” part.

  3. Heather 17 June 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    Grown Man, I am SO enjoying your excellent advice. How refreshing to see some straight-up common sense served with a heaping helping of clever and witty sides. What I love most is the undercurrent of respect for every individual that runs through your writing.

    Nice guys are FIRST imho–in time, they always rise to the top.

    Think I’m going to print up your advice on women working out and stick it on the fridge–it’s that good.

    Can’t wait to see the next volume. 🙂

  4. pbandchutney 17 June 2010 at 3:05 pm #

    GM – this is excellent stuff!!! So glad to see how successful it is on Day 1 🙂 I too apologize to Daniel for the reTARDed women who treat good men like shit. As Hanna said, it’s all insecurity. I promise! You will find the girl of your dreams who loves you for being that amazingly sweet and nice guy! Wally – I started working out more because my husband was getting in (too good) shape and it made me want to look better too! But if he ever told me I should work out more – those Taebo punches will come rolling out… 🙂

    • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:29 am #

      Pbandchutney, you always have a way with words. Also, great advice for Wally – maybe she’ll consider Yoga and he won’t have to fear for his life.

  5. ashleyhh 17 June 2010 at 3:49 pm #

    In response to Daniel,
    I am sorry that girls make you feel that way. But remember just that – they are girls. Girls want a bad boy, women want a man who is going to be able to take care of her. Whether she admits the need to be taken care of or not. Girls think that since a bad boy is tough, and he can take care of himself, he can ultimately take care of her too. Women know that he won’t. So take heed of Grown Man’s advice and be bold. It will be recognized. And I am sure you will come back and come in first.

    Also, Grown Man, you are amazing as always.

    • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:31 am #

      Oh man Ashleyhh…explaining the difference between a girl and a woman is a brilliant way of putting it – well done. I hope Daniel really feels supported with his instincts to be the last good guy.

  6. MoroccoMama 17 June 2010 at 5:07 pm #

    Good stuff, as always.
    I thought of this blog today as I explained to my 5 year old boy how to hold a door open for someone (especially a lady, I added). Then we practiced as we were leaving the bakery. I hope he is a kind and considerate man one day.

    • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:35 am #

      Oh gosh, there are few things that make me tear up quicker than seeing a little boy or girl practicing politeness. Whenever a kid opens a door for me or calls me sir, I fight back the pride-tears and thank him/her profusely for being such a good person.

      MM, I’m quite certain your Grown Boy will be a fine man – nice job mom.

      Also, thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

  7. Ashley 17 June 2010 at 8:02 pm #

    Great read!

  8. stephaniediane88 17 June 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    GM-
    You’ve done it again, absolutely brilliant.

    In response to James-
    deep down in every grown women’s heart of hearts all she really wants from you is to feel safe. so when the not-so-grown-man in the car next to your cuts you off nearly sideswiping your vehicle in the process- odds are while you’re getting nice and angry, she is getting nice and worried for her life. the last thing she needs is an angry driver in the car next to her and an angry driver in the car WITH her.

    • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:41 am #

      Good point. There’s a lack of control that comes with the offended driver going bat-crap. I think any passenger would be concerned about their safety when someone’s losing it in a 1-ton death machine.

  9. mct88 18 June 2010 at 8:05 pm #

    Wally, to ask a question regarding such a sensitive & touchy subject then to laugh about it? Shame shame shame.

    Daniel, take GM’s advice to heart. The girls who burn you aren’t the girls you want. Don’t give up but don’t be stupid about your “pickings” either.

    • Wally 20 June 2010 at 9:33 am #

      mct88, my laughing wasnt about the question, but about the compliments made to GM, it wasnt for you to think I was unsatisfied with my girl, but as I said when I first asked: ” Love her the way she is, but it would be better for me (if you know what I mean) if she got some muscles”
      apparently you didnt knew what i meant, so thanks anyway…

      • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:47 am #

        Sorry about the backlash, Wally, I guess we hit a nerve. Thanks for reading it and taking it in stride. I hope the advice helped. Good luck with the current or future GF’s.

    • You're a Grown Man 22 June 2010 at 7:45 am #

      Thanks, mct88. I get the vibe that Wally’s a good guy who unknowingly asked a funny-blog a seemingly lighthearted question and got schooled. Oh well.

      And thanks for adding your voice to the chorus of people who think Daniel is going in the right direction – I hope he believes us.

      Thanks, as always, for reading and commenting, mct88.

  10. Niña 5 July 2010 at 9:19 am #

    Being a big lady myself I was really laughed my ass off at the “I bet you don’t think I’m that intelligent and creative now, do you?” part. Classic. I love it.

    • Niña 5 July 2010 at 9:20 am #

      *I really laughed my ass off

    • You're a Grown Man 5 July 2010 at 10:11 pm #

      I’m glad you laughed any part of you off! You’re awesome for reading and commenting – I appreciate it.

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  1. Lembra Daquele Blog You Are a Gown Man? « Homens Modernos - 17 June 2010

    […] Pois então, agora ele tem uma seção onde são respondidas algumas questões masculinas chamada Ask a Grown Man e é as good as the […]

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