quit going shirtless.

26 Apr

While at a large festival yesterday, I was appalled by the number of men walking around with no shirt. Mind you, this wasn’t a NASCAR event or a PETA rally where fat dudes are saying no to fur. It was, in fact, a pie festival – in a rich neighborhood – with old people – and a dude playing the banjo.

Gentlemen, need I remind you that you’re ugly? Girls aren’t seeing your supple man-breasts and thinking, “Now that’s a guy worthy of my child-bearing years.” A shirt was designed, in part, so you could hide your weird chest zits and let women live under the illusion that you aren’t as tubby as you are.

Also, it just kind of makes you look like you’re trying too hard. Remember, desperation doesn’t lead to procreation.

P.S. You’ll also get skin cancer without a shirt on.

3 Responses to “quit going shirtless.”

  1. Dr. Mayhem 21 May 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    It is unfortunate, but every time I flex my shirt rips into tatters. I do not have the financial means to subsitute all of these shirts if I am also to replace the electric guitars I tend to break while heavy-metal-skydiving.

    Thus, as a matter of sheer economy, I must often present onlookers with a denuded chest.

  2. ed hardy 3 June 2010 at 9:30 am #

    You’ll also get skin cancer without a shirt on. MY GOD!!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Men Without Shirts. « Just Married. - 2 June 2010

    […] this brings me to my next question. What is so laborious about putting on a shirt? I don’t see the hassle. I mean, I get it. Men have an advantage. They can walk around […]

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