Tag Archives: movies

pick a team.

29 Mar

A few years ago I had a conversation with a fella that went something like this:

Grown man: “Who are you rooting for in the [insert any sport] game?”
Fella: “I don’t care and I really don’t have a team. I basically just like to watch.”

This is not okay. Watching sports is akin to taking a seat in the great Colosseum and cheering for the underdog gladiator. You’ve got to take a side! You know The Gladiator is a rad dude who’s just fighting for the memory of his wife and child. He’s doing battle with his inner demons and he needs YOU to step it up go freaking insane when he’s about to school Commodus.

Imagine, if you will, standing at Gettysburg and saying, “You know what, both sides have great outfits, good generals, and a lot of heart. I’m going to be a consciousness objector and cheer for both the Union and Confederacy”. No no, someone’s got something to prove. Slavery must end, Lee is about to take over the North, we’ve got a mission to save our country!

I’m being dramatic. Just pick a freaking team, and try to be local about it unless you have good reason (i.e., I live in Seattle but my great-grandfather was Honus Wagner!). Here’s a worksheet to help you:

NFL Team:
College Team:
ONE college must cover all sports. You may not cross-school just because your alma-matter has a crappy lacrosse team. If you didn’t go to college, add 500 points to your SAT score and pick the school that you would have gone too.
Baseball team:
Must be an existing American team. No Expos, no Brooklyn Dodgers!
Hockey Team: You don’t need to pick a hockey team
Soccer Team: You don’t need to pick a soccer team

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