Tag Archives: high school

quit going to the beach alone.

5 Apr

The Mrs. and I were at the beach on Saturday. It was a beautiful day, children were laughing, the sun was intense, and all was well with the world. Until I spotted a lone, sunbathing, fella.

How do I know he was alone? This guy had a radio blasting all the greatest hits of “The 70’s, 80’s, and today”. He had a significant beer belly, $2 sandals, and shockingly florescent sunglasses. Whats more, there was no “wife’s out for a walk on the beach towel” laying beside him. This guy was alone.

Why would you, a grown freakin’ man, go to the beach alone?

Girls: But most of them are in middle or high school and you are 35, not to mention ugly.
Sun: Tans were only attractive to possible suitors in an agrarian society where everyone knew by that sweet bronze tone that you were tilling the hell out of some land. Now, we just know you don’t work in an office and are stoked about going to Hooters.
The beach: Nobody likes the beach. Stay home, rub dirt all over yourself and spray vinegar in your eyes every once in a while. The beach is for people who don’t live close to the mountains or do enjoy the sweet tingle of skin cancer.

Find something else to do with your Saturday than “chillaxing” seaside. Maybe you could fix up that motorcycle that’s been sitting in your moms garage for 15 years.

buy a suit.

26 Mar

C’mon, it’s a wedding, you’re too old to be wearing khakis your mom bought you with an ill-fitting blue dress shirt. It’s not high-school, nobody is impressed by your ability to dress poorly because you and your soccer buddies have to dress up on Friday.
This guy knows how to wear a suit
Suit rules:
1- For your first suit, buy charcoal or blue.
2- Wear a white dress shirt
3- Get a tie that would have looked cool 50 years ago
4- Find your best dressed friend, copy him. I can assure you, you’re unable to go it alone.

%d bloggers like this: