Tag Archives: bar

know your drink order.

7 Jul

It happened to me a few weeks ago:  I’m sitting at a bar with a friend when the waiter comes up and says, “What’ll you have?”  Because I can see my friend fumbling around the menu, I begin navigating my own course.  I ask a few brief questions like, “What’s on tap?” and “Do you have a wine list?”  and then, I place my order – “Jack and Coke, thank you”.  The entire interaction between us lasted upwards of 20 seconds.

Then it was my friends turn.  He began by asking the question “What’s on tap?”  The polite waiter, of course, went through the list again and awaited his next cue.  “Um, well, alright, well, I’d like…actually, what’s good here?  No, no, I’ll just have a, oh man, I forget the name.  It tastes like Sprite, but it’s not actually got Sprite in it.”  “A gin and tonic, sir?”  “Huh, I think that’s what it was called, yeah, I’ll have one of those.”  My friend then looked at me with an unknowing smile and I returned too him a look of horror and disgust.

Grown Men, you’ve got to know your drink order well before you need to place it.  Being able to traverse the alcohol jungle with a barkeep is just one of the parts of being a man that, while not essential to the overall picture of masculinity, is important for a guy to be able to do.  Having a good working knowledge of drinks will not only make you seem confident (fake it till you make it), but it will allow you more time to converse with the person you’re with without derailing for a drink dialogue.

Here are some tips…

-Get nerdy. For real, hop on the internet and start researching what you like.  I’m sure you’ve had enough experience in the past with a few drinks that you can put something together.  I like the Esquire magazine site, it’s really helpful.  Also, I’m sure folks will leave other helpful links in the comments.

Experiment. Before you go to your next bar, have a drink or two ready to order.  Pick drinks with different bases (example: a whiskey drink and a gin drink) and choose options that are common (yes: Tom Collins, No: Tom Johnstone).  Channel your inner Mr. Wizard and  bust out that mental Erlenmeyer flask.

-Remember. One of the huge problems with uncertain orderers is that they forget what they’ve liked in the past.  They begin to panic and think, “Crap, I loved that drink at my sisters wedding?  Man, what was it called?”  It was called a Appletini and you should have written it down before you got drunk.  Speaking of writing it down, always carry a piece of paper with you.  It’ll be a Grown Man post some other day.

-Be confident. When you find something you like, don’t be afraid to order it.  In this era of defining what a lady-drink is and what a man-drink is, we’ve gotten scared to order a Cosmo because we know the Carrie jokes will follow. You know what?  Get past it.  Your friend who’s choking down some hyper-male, “whiskey neat”, would give Charlotte’s adopted daughter to be sipping a refreshing Cosmo.  No kidding, I have a non-alcoholic friend who orders Shirley Temples when we’re out.  We mess with him about it, but he likes those freaking drinks so much and doesn’t give a crap that we’re goofing on him.  He’s one of the manliest dudes I know.

-If the bar you’re at is limited and doesn’t have your first option, don’t get flustered, just go to the next one.  If all else fails, order what the other guy ordered and choke it down.  When you’re through with your night, go back to the drawing board and learn more.

-This is an important one.  If you’ve got issues with alcohol, the manliest thing you can order is a non-alcoholc drink with an extra shot of sobriety. Grown Men know their limits.


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