be a good best man (part 1).

2 Aug

Like the groomsman, the role of the best man has been well documented.  The Knot and others have done a good job in making tidy little lists that will ensure your success in this oh-so-important role.  However, my job as your pilot on Grown Man Air is to do more than simply take you to your destination – I want you to think.  Gentlemen, please return your tray tables to their upright and locked positions – here are the tools you’ll need for being a successful best man:

-The Bachelor Party: One of the first duties you’ll fulfill is that of Bachelor Party planner.  Your groom, and presumably your best friend, deserves a heck of a party to celebrate his big decision to get married.  Did you notice how I put that?  “Celebrate his big decision…” NOT, “Say goodbye to his freedom.”  Do you see the difference?

A common mistake is that bachelor parties are some ridiculous tribute to the last taste of freedom and, therefore, involve excessive flirting, hooking up, or at worst, strip clubs.  Grown Men don’t go to strip clubs, ever.  And while this is a future post for another day,  it’s just important to know that celebrating marriage isn’t about tempting the monogamy gods one more time, it’s about celebrating a big decision in a man’s life and sending him off with a boat load of fun, class, and dignity.

Sadly, I found this pic. AFTER I wrote the post.

Having significantly killed the jovial mood, let me end the bachelor party section with this.  Best men, you all are the sole organizers of this shindig.  Have a discussion at some point with your groom and see what he’s hoping for. Then, execute the party planning with a type-a tornado of efficiency and delegation.  The groomsmen are the infantry and you’re the general – get those guys to help out with clearly defined, easy to execute jobs.  I can assure you that with the right mindset (celebrating the groom!) and some attention to detail, you’ll honor your friend with a tremendous bachelor party.  Also, don’t let anyone get tattoos that night.  Some fresh “bros before hoes” ink will not bode well with the bride.

-The Wedding Day: Here’s what happens inside of the groom’s head when he wakes up on his wedding day.  “Wow, why am I waking up in a hotel room?  Oh man, I’m getting married today!”…time elapses…flashes of standing at the alter… “I do”…Boom Boom Pow playing at the reception…leaving in a limo…hotel… “Wow, why am I waking up in Maui? Oh man, I’m on my honeymoon!”

Best men, the groom has a lot on his mind and really needs your help.  Your job is to be the attendant to the groom through the entire process.  If that guy wakes up and is dazed over by the bigness of the day, he needs to somehow end up at the church, in a tux, on time, with his overnight bag, the extra box of wedding favors, and the 2 zillion other little things he was supposed to remember.  Your job is to make sure that all of those things happen, with or without his full consciousness.

For the most part though, the groom isn’t the bumbling doofus I’m making him out to be. And usually, the most helpful function you can serve is to be the great friend you’ve always been.  The importance of hanging out and keeping the day focused and calm for your groom is paramount. On the wedding day, do whatever you’ve got to do to insulate that guy from any last minute craziness and make sure that he’s able to maintain the focus he’ll need to be able to stand on the alter and promise some pretty important things to a pretty important woman.  And, once again, whatever you do – no tattoos.

Alright fellas, this is the end of part 1. You may take a bathroom break now and prepare for part 2, where we’ll finally talk about the dreaded best man toast!

3 Responses to “be a good best man (part 1).”

  1. 2nd Wave Man 5 August 2010 at 1:28 pm #

    “Grown Men don’t go to strip clubs, ever.”

    You, sir, have earned my unflagging respect.

    The rest of the content was fantastic as well, but this made me sigh in relief. 🙂

    • You're a Grown Man 5 August 2010 at 1:32 pm #

      Thank you so much, 2nd Wave Man! Strip clubs really are unacceptable, I’m glad you agree.

      Also, I’ve never heard or used the word unflagging – it’s awesome. I’ll be using it soon.

      Unflaggingly grateful, GM


  1. M.I.A. « you're a grown man - 7 September 2010

    […] question my good man. This week, I learned an interesting lesson:  I can’t blog and be the best man at my brothers wedding.  I had grand visions of waking up at 6am every morning, writing Grown Man, […]

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