get serious about your scent.

16 Jul

I have a friend named Randy.  Randy is just one of those cool dudes who you pay attention to while trying to look like your not paying attention at all.  You know what I’m saying?  For instance, Randy comes to work wearing a pair of cowboy boots and, one week later, all of his disciples are wearing cowboy boots. Nobody came up to him and said, “Holy Roy Rogers, those are some sick boots bro! You’re so cool, Randy!”  Nope, they all just got in their Civics after work and scoured the land for old-looking, brand-new, Randy-like boots.  Man, Randy is the coolest.

Recently however, Randy and I came to an impasse.  The conversation went something like this:

Randy: Do Grown Men wear cologne?
GM: No, Grown Men wear self-respect and adulthood, they shouldn’t smell like anything.
Randy: But I wear cologne.
[Oh god, I don’t know how to process this, Randy is so cool, my defenses are weakening]
GM: Really?  You’re such a Grown Man, I didn’t peg you for an Axe kinda’ chap.
[Randy’s wife chimes in…]
Tootie: Randy smells amazing. In fact, a lot of people say that Randy is the best smelling man on the planet.
Randy: For real, smell me.
[Randy motions for me to smell his collar. I am powerless. I smell it.]
GM: Wow, Randy.  You do smell good.
Randy: See?  See what I’m saying?  It’s a really unknown cologne called [I don’t remember the name, though I’m pretty sure it was McConaughey #4].  Doesn’t it smell good?

Indeed it does, cool Randy.  Indeed it does.

Following that experience, I decided to change my stance on cologne and man-scent in general.  Previously, I was adamant that no man should smell like anything other than the sweat of his labor or a campfire.   However, something in aforementioned conversation alerted me to a factor that was worth considering.  Tootie liked the way Randy smelled – a lot.  And felles, if something as simple as a dash of Parfum du Pitt gives her that much enjoyment, you’ve got to go for it.

Here are the rules that Randy and I agreed upon for proper, Grown Man, musk management:

-You can’t wear cologne to try to attract a lady-friend.

-If you have attracted a lady-friend, she has to like it.

-You’ve got to keep it to one spray.  Putting on cologne is akin to using your library voice – soft enough for the person across from you, not loud enough for the whole room.  ONE SPRAY!

-Anything that says “body spray” is not cologne – it’s teenage marketing.  Stay away!  For real, Chocolate Axe might be the first horsemen of the Apocalypse.  Pick something that exudes class – like Randy.

That’s it gentlemen, smell good and have a great weekend.  Thanks, as always, for taking the time to read and comment!

28 Responses to “get serious about your scent.”

  1. Pop 16 July 2010 at 9:17 am #

    Great post! And timely as the Old Spice man is currently the talk of the internet

    • You're a Grown Man 16 July 2010 at 9:18 am #

      You know, I didn’t even think of that! Man, I love riding the viral wave of others.

      • Pop 16 July 2010 at 9:21 am #

        Swan dive…into the greatest post of your life!

        • Erin 16 July 2010 at 9:33 am #

          aaaahaha Great response, Pop!! 🙂

  2. Kurt 16 July 2010 at 9:24 am #

    For us married men, let your wife decide how she wants you to smell. Whatever she says she likes is what you should smell like.

    You know, within the bounds of common sense. If she says she likes the way peach-mango bodyspray smells on you, well…

    • Pop 16 July 2010 at 9:26 am #

      Same rules apply the other way around as well, Kurt. I’d like my wife to smell like a freshly grilled steak or bacon, but that’s not within the bounds of common sense. Although I think it should be.

  3. Heather 16 July 2010 at 9:51 am #

    A hint of scent is very nice, but it’s getting harder to do that these days–many public places ask you to remain ‘fragrance free’ for the sake of those with allergies.

  4. Aaron W 16 July 2010 at 10:40 am #

    A great post! I believe that a man should smell good, and definitely not overpowering. One thing I would quibble with, and this is a minor quibble, is that depending on body chemistry, and the strength of the scent, it may take more than one spray for the scent to stick with you. But this takes testing and reliable friends to let you know if your scent is too strong or not.


  5. Coco 16 July 2010 at 11:23 am #

    Oh, Grown Man, you are so wise.

    May the One-Spray Non-Axe Gospel be spread throughout the land. Glory!

  6. Ian 16 July 2010 at 12:12 pm #

    I absolutely agree with what you say; I even had that type of experience that you had with Randy at one point. There are more nasty man-scents out there than there are true colognes Grown Men should wear. Also, different colognes mix differently with each man’s individual scent; thus, advice of a lady-friend is a must.

  7. ashleyhh 16 July 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    I love this post. And I am one of those ladies that loves my guy to smell good. But I absolutely do not want him smelling like a 15 year old boy who just got out of gym class and sprayed himself down with Axe instead of taking a shower. Thats what Axe reminds me of. I won’t even let my 16 year old brother wear it. I tell him to wear real cologne. Nothing overpowering, but that little extra that tells me you wanna smell good for me.

    And you give me a guy with cowboy boots and some good smellin cologne… thats a killer combo. =)

  8. Kate 16 July 2010 at 1:06 pm #

    Right on! I have been trying to stress the following point to men for years now: the reason it’s sexy is that we have to be CLOSE to you to smell it. One spray! No Axe! Preach it, Grown Man!

    (plus, i really enjoy that it took your little man-crush to make you see the light)

  9. Katie 16 July 2010 at 1:21 pm #

    I totally agree with the one spray rule. It’s important to remember because your nose can get accustomed to a certain scent, and then you wont smell it as strongly anymore and think you need to put on more, but everyone else can smell it just fine

  10. Connor 16 July 2010 at 1:54 pm #

    Just make sure that spray is on your skin. Most people just spray cologne without realizing it was meant to be put on your skin. The forearm spray and then wiping on the neck is a great technique.

    Also gentlemen, try a fragrance called Chrome by Azario (never had so many compliments)

  11. Leah 16 July 2010 at 2:28 pm #

    I love cologne on my man…but not all colognes. It is necessary to try some out (lightly) and see how it mixes with your own body chemistry for sure!
    As for “they shouldn’t smell like anything” and your reference to “McConaughey #4″…all I can think about is Matthew McConaughey and how he told People magazine that he NEVER uses deodorant because a “man should smell like a man”. All I have to say is P-frickin’-U! You can skip the cologne, but you cannot skip the deodorant.

  12. lookingforsomethingtofind 16 July 2010 at 9:37 pm #

    I agree, personally when I use cologne, I use, Safari by Ralph Lauren. A spray or two on the neck, and viola.

  13. Debbie 17 July 2010 at 1:53 pm #

    This time I’ve got to disagree. I think you had it right the first time. No fragrance for grown men.

    Oh and if your wife is using one of the many overpowering laundry detergents or softeners – you smell like a woman. You may have grown used to it. But others have not. And no amount of cologne fixes it, it only makes it a noxious mess of fragrances.

    Clean. That’s all you need, clean.
    It might also be a good time to note that hundreds of the ingredients in fragrances are known carcinogens. And fragrances and “air fresheners” have been proven to damage the sense of smell over time. Which is why people that smell so strong have no idea they do.

  14. kaykay 17 July 2010 at 7:26 pm #

    I have to disagree that your friend ‘Randy’ is the best smelling man of the planet. It’s impossible, since my husband quite obviously is.
    Seriously tho, scent must be the most subjective of all senses, i have seen so many (sometimes highly amusing) docus on the matter.. stinky or sexy, the nose matters just as much as the sweat..
    i believe like many, that men should not overdo it (actually..even women should not) and stick with a good body hygiene and then find THEIR fragrance – as opposed to wildly following the latest fashion or listen to what mummy says.. Boys, stop being smelly and find a balance between deodorant, aftershave and perfume that leaves you fresh to neutral at a distance and with just a trace of something ‘yum’ to get that woman high that gets REALLY close to you.

  15. Spacey 18 July 2010 at 9:46 am #

    For most part of reading the post I was under the impression that you were describing Randy and his cologne sarcastically. I realized you were serious only when you mentioned you smelled him. Personally I would refrain from deliberately smelling a man’s Cologne right off him. Old Spice has been my choice since I could remember when and I stick to two sprays not one (:


  16. Mrenc 19 July 2010 at 4:05 pm #

    i wear cologne. my wife digs it. i dig my wife. people with allergies…stay away from me & my wife.

    • Debbie 19 July 2010 at 4:18 pm #

      The problem with your theory is that too many people wear such strong fragrance, or so much of it, that “people with allergies” can do everything they can to stay plenty “far away” from people and still get very ill from it.

      Someone with allergies can try very hard to keep their distance but what if you get in line behind them in a grocery store? Or you sit beside them in a crowded doctor’s office?

      People that are going to wear fragrance should at least do it in a reasonable manner that doesn’t choke others just trying to go about their daily lives. Because many people can have *life threatening* asthma attacks from what other people do because they like it. Someone could literally die. And people like you are so flippant about it. Your comment is a classic example of the uncaring disregard some people have for others.

  17. Mrenc 19 July 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    Debbie – you can be rest assured that every morning i am very careful to not exceed the death-inducing levels of fragrance application. and i do indeed care for others…especially my wife.

    • Debbie 19 July 2010 at 5:03 pm #

      I hope that is true. Although many people don’t realize just how strong they do smell. Because long term use of fragrance is proven to actually damage your ability to smell.
      I would say the flip side of your comment is that if you love your wife and she loves you so much, perhaps she wouldn’t want you to cover yourself in known carcinogens. (Meaning: agents proven to cause cancer.) It’s sad how many people just don’t realize what they are actually putting on themselves. I am not asking you to take my word for it. If you educate yourself on just what is in what you are using, and you & your wife might just think twice about what is a loving/caring approach.

  18. Michelle Smith 21 July 2010 at 8:27 pm #

    I’m glad to read that you amended your stance on man-scent. I review a lot of male fragrances and there’s something out there for every man (and his woman).

  19. Lauren 24 July 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    One of my best high school memories was walking around in my then-boyfriend’s letterman jacket. Whatever it was he wore reacted well with his body chemistry, and smelled heavenly. I definitely recommend getting a lady friend’s opinion on the fragrance front. Also, think in advance what kind of smells you like before hitting the fragrance counter at your local mall. Citrus? Spicy? Fresh? The salesperson should be able to help you narrow things down further, because trying too many smells at once can dull your sniffer. Besides, what man wants to spend all day in front of the fragrance counter?

  20. Hannah 14 October 2010 at 9:17 pm #

    Another reason why men should pick a nice understated grown man scent: It WILL help you get laid! I had a serious boyfriend once and he seriously wore a men’s cologne that smelled of baby powder. He refused to change it. Let me tell you, it really helped me to keep from sinning with him lol.

  21. JHat 7 February 2011 at 5:39 pm #

    Good to know. I’m 31 and I’ve wondered about issues like this since I was a prepubescent teenager. No one has ever told me this stuff! I’ve been guessing all along. Several years ago I just stopped using cologne. I liked Gap Blue and I’ve used Tommy Hilfiger but it wasn’t getting me anywhere. I appreciate the comments on Axe! Does it apply to the bodywash as well?

    Great blog!


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