Ask a Grown Man: Vol. V

15 Jul

Good Thursday, Grown Men.  Let’s do this thang…

Dear Grown Man,

I work in one of those “cool” places where people come into work wearing T-Shirts, including the two owners. I wear casual button downs most of the time, so at least I’m making some headway.

What about shoes, though? [I cut out some stuff] Sneakers in the work place are for teenagers working at a fast food joint…it doesn’t matter how nice they are. So what should I be wearing?!



We have two things to talk about.  First, you need to have a good old fashion uprising in your office. It is ridiculous that a man with your fashion forward mind should consider, even for a moment, working for those goons. Today’s the day, Benny Boy. Walk right in there, inform them that there’s no room for Ed Hardy in a Brooks Brothers world and demand their jobs. When they refuse, make sure they notice the pitchfork and torches that you and the other button-down-boys are holding and give them an ultimatum – either they dress like freaking adults, or they shall be brained.

Second, the fact that you’ve even considered what shoes to wear gives me a great amount of hope for you.  Allow me to honor your inquiry with some well-organized bullet points regarding shoe selection:

No kidding, I owned these exact shoes.

-You may not ever wear sneakers to work UNLESS your company is having some sort of outdoor activity that forces you all to walk in a 5k on a Saturday morning in matching t-shirts.  Even “teenagers working at a fast food joint” should have the work ethic to wear standard issue black restaurant shoes instead of flashy British Knights (or whatever the kids are wearing now).

-As you so astutely pointed out, your suit shoes shouldn’t be your 9-5 shoes.  You really need to own shoes that are only worn with your suit(s).  They should remain well polished and kept in the box until very special occasions.

-Your 9-5 shoes need to be somewhere on the spectrum between your Indie-boss kicks and the suit shoes.  I would avoid patent (shiny) leather and overly trendy colored shoes.  Brown or black, tasteful, and timeless are always good guidelines.  However, I respect a Grown Man’s decision to have a unique style, so if you must show some flair, do it in a way that doesn’t elicit memories of juice boxes and recess.

Ben, I hope this helps and thanks for giving a crap about how you appear at work.  Prepare for the uprising my friend – the revolution is now.

My Adidas,

Why do men not give their girlfriends compliments after the first 3 months? My friends and I can get compliments from other men all day long, but the one she wants them from doesn’t give them.



Men DO give their girlfriends compliments after the first three months, years, and decades.  The “men” you are speaking of are hunter/gatherers who give compliments to lure women and get their fill of emotional and/or physical affirmation.  When these men finish the chase, they simply begin the process of discarding the carcass and moving on.  I assure you, the man you speak of is giving compliments to some woman – just not “your friend.”

Your friend,

Until next week, keep asking those great questions!

15 Responses to “Ask a Grown Man: Vol. V”

  1. Eric R. 15 July 2010 at 3:36 pm #

    Grown Man, you crack me up. I am a libertarian Lutheran (Missouri Synod).

    Pax Christi, y’all!

    • You're a Grown Man 15 July 2010 at 3:54 pm #

      Oh man, the number of Google hits we’re going to get now when people search for Pax Christi, y’all! Well done, Eric R.

      For real though, thank you for reading and commenting – you’re a good man.

    • Matt 20 July 2010 at 3:41 pm #

      I too am a proud libertarian LCMS’er! It’s like you were speaking directly to me, Grown Man! Imagine my unbridled excitement. Keep up the awesome work.

      • You're a Grown Man 20 July 2010 at 4:32 pm #

        Thanks, Matt…unbridled excitement is what I live for.

        You’re a good man – thanks for commenting!

  2. mairzeebp 15 July 2010 at 4:57 pm #

    My Adidas. Hilarious. I laughed out loud. Thank you!

  3. Heather 15 July 2010 at 5:50 pm #

    Grown Man–I sure hope there are more of you out there somewhere.

  4. QueenPinky 15 July 2010 at 6:44 pm #

    Hunter/Gatherer? LMAO.

    There are a lot of those out there. We need some Predators to clear them out.

  5. lookingforsomethingtofind 15 July 2010 at 7:21 pm #

    I’m actually a conservative athesist, which people find sort of funny. My Dad is a protestant democrat, and my mom is a “new age” communist. A belief in God doesn’t lend itself to any party, my family is proof of that.

    • You're a Grown Man 15 July 2010 at 7:38 pm #

      It’s like the beginning of a joke, “A conservative atheist, protestant democrat, and “new age” communist walk into a bar…”

  6. Robert 16 July 2010 at 11:14 am #

    So if sneakers are out, can anyone recommend a really comfortable brand of shoes for someone who is on his feet all day. I teach 7th grade, which keeps me up and active. I’m not just on my feet, I’m constantly on the move. I resisted wearing sneakers at first, but after six years, I’ve found that the only shoes that enable me to go home every day not feeling like I just ran a marathon are sneakers (Yes, I’m aware of the irony there). So, given that, anyone know any good recommendations?

    • lookingforsomethingtofind 16 July 2010 at 7:23 pm #

      They make somewhat formal looking walking shoes, and some hiking shoes could pass for a more formal shoe, they are comfortable as well.

      • Robert 19 July 2010 at 9:14 pm #

        I’ll have to look into that. Thank you.

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