Ask a Grown Man: Vol. V

15 Jul

Good Thursday, Grown Men.  Let’s do this thang…

Dear Grown Man,

I work in one of those “cool” places where people come into work wearing T-Shirts, including the two owners. I wear casual button downs most of the time, so at least I’m making some headway.

What about shoes, though? [I cut out some stuff] Sneakers in the work place are for teenagers working at a fast food joint…it doesn’t matter how nice they are. So what should I be wearing?!

Thanks,
Ben

Benjamin,

We have two things to talk about.  First, you need to have a good old fashion uprising in your office. It is ridiculous that a man with your fashion forward mind should consider, even for a moment, working for those goons. Today’s the day, Benny Boy. Walk right in there, inform them that there’s no room for Ed Hardy in a Brooks Brothers world and demand their jobs. When they refuse, make sure they notice the pitchfork and torches that you and the other button-down-boys are holding and give them an ultimatum – either they dress like freaking adults, or they shall be brained.

Second, the fact that you’ve even considered what shoes to wear gives me a great amount of hope for you.  Allow me to honor your inquiry with some well-organized bullet points regarding shoe selection:

No kidding, I owned these exact shoes.

-You may not ever wear sneakers to work UNLESS your company is having some sort of outdoor activity that forces you all to walk in a 5k on a Saturday morning in matching t-shirts.  Even “teenagers working at a fast food joint” should have the work ethic to wear standard issue black restaurant shoes instead of flashy British Knights (or whatever the kids are wearing now).

-As you so astutely pointed out, your suit shoes shouldn’t be your 9-5 shoes.  You really need to own shoes that are only worn with your suit(s).  They should remain well polished and kept in the box until very special occasions.

-Your 9-5 shoes need to be somewhere on the spectrum between your Indie-boss kicks and the suit shoes.  I would avoid patent (shiny) leather and overly trendy colored shoes.  Brown or black, tasteful, and timeless are always good guidelines.  However, I respect a Grown Man’s decision to have a unique style, so if you must show some flair, do it in a way that doesn’t elicit memories of juice boxes and recess.

Ben, I hope this helps and thanks for giving a crap about how you appear at work.  Prepare for the uprising my friend – the revolution is now.

My Adidas,
GM

Why do men not give their girlfriends compliments after the first 3 months? My friends and I can get compliments from other men all day long, but the one she wants them from doesn’t give them.

-Christine

Christine,

Men DO give their girlfriends compliments after the first three months, years, and decades.  The “men” you are speaking of are hunter/gatherers who give compliments to lure women and get their fill of emotional and/or physical affirmation.  When these men finish the chase, they simply begin the process of discarding the carcass and moving on.  I assure you, the man you speak of is giving compliments to some woman – just not “your friend.”

Your friend,
GM

Until next week, keep asking those great questions!


15 Responses to “Ask a Grown Man: Vol. V”

  1. Eric R. 15 July 2010 at 3:36 pm #

    Grown Man, you crack me up. I am a libertarian Lutheran (Missouri Synod).

    Pax Christi, y’all!

    • You're a Grown Man 15 July 2010 at 3:54 pm #

      Oh man, the number of Google hits we’re going to get now when people search for Pax Christi, y’all! Well done, Eric R.

      For real though, thank you for reading and commenting – you’re a good man.

    • Matt 20 July 2010 at 3:41 pm #

      I too am a proud libertarian LCMS’er! It’s like you were speaking directly to me, Grown Man! Imagine my unbridled excitement. Keep up the awesome work.

      • You're a Grown Man 20 July 2010 at 4:32 pm #

        Thanks, Matt…unbridled excitement is what I live for.

        You’re a good man – thanks for commenting!

  2. mairzeebp 15 July 2010 at 4:57 pm #

    My Adidas. Hilarious. I laughed out loud. Thank you!

  3. Heather 15 July 2010 at 5:50 pm #

    Grown Man–I sure hope there are more of you out there somewhere.

  4. QueenPinky 15 July 2010 at 6:44 pm #

    Hunter/Gatherer? LMAO.

    There are a lot of those out there. We need some Predators to clear them out.

  5. lookingforsomethingtofind 15 July 2010 at 7:21 pm #

    I’m actually a conservative athesist, which people find sort of funny. My Dad is a protestant democrat, and my mom is a “new age” communist. A belief in God doesn’t lend itself to any party, my family is proof of that.

    • You're a Grown Man 15 July 2010 at 7:38 pm #

      It’s like the beginning of a joke, “A conservative atheist, protestant democrat, and “new age” communist walk into a bar…”

  6. Robert 16 July 2010 at 11:14 am #

    So if sneakers are out, can anyone recommend a really comfortable brand of shoes for someone who is on his feet all day. I teach 7th grade, which keeps me up and active. I’m not just on my feet, I’m constantly on the move. I resisted wearing sneakers at first, but after six years, I’ve found that the only shoes that enable me to go home every day not feeling like I just ran a marathon are sneakers (Yes, I’m aware of the irony there). So, given that, anyone know any good recommendations?

    • lookingforsomethingtofind 16 July 2010 at 7:23 pm #

      They make somewhat formal looking walking shoes, and some hiking shoes could pass for a more formal shoe, they are comfortable as well.

      • Robert 19 July 2010 at 9:14 pm #

        I’ll have to look into that. Thank you.

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