quit going to weddings empty-handed.

28 May

It’s wedding weekend for me (2 of them!) which means a)I’m going to be dancing like a nerdy white man and b)Bed, Bath, & Every Other Trendy Home Store has a bit more of my currency. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

Gentlemen, you must always bring a gift to a wedding. If you’re old enough to buy your own under-roos and vote, you’re old enough to get the betrothed a present. Let’s talk about that present.

First, buy something off the registry – no exceptions.


But Grown Man, I saw this super cool neon [insert beer company] sign that my friend, the groom, would love!

You’re right, HE probably would love it. However, you don’t know what that man is going through. His Ben Harper posters and super sweet University of Low SAT’s flags are finding a new home in the garage and/or donation pile. All of a sudden, he’s really into OxyGrip Salad Tongs and is worried out of his mind about the velum ripping on the wedding invitations. For real, your friend is changing, not in a bad way, but in a way that you, a Grown Man who’s unmarried, can’t understand. If you are married and still want to get the neon sign, c’mon – you know better.

Having said all of that, go to the home store and pick the coolest thing you can find that is ON THE DAMN REGISTRY! Maybe there’s some sort of tea infuser? Great! Now you can make jokes about tea bagging him. Maybe there’s a set of 5000 thread count Egyptian sheets? Perfect, you can make jokes about your own sexual repression and him getting some on those sheets.

Wedding gifts aren’t about extravagance, they’re about thought. It’s your way of saying, “I care about your well-being enough as a couple to get you a dish towel and gravy boat.” Believe me, they’ll appreciate your effort more than you know.

I don’t have enough money to buy them a gift!

Yes you freaking do. Think of it this way, if you went out for dinner and all you can drink generic beer, how much would you spend? Let’s say you added in the cost of dinner mints and a d.j. playing Black Eyed Peas for four hours? Bingo, you’ve at least hit the $20 mark. If you can’t find anything on the registry that fits your budget (the cash in your duct tape wallet), just get a gift card. I can assure you that even a meager gift card will mean a lot to your friends.

Guys, here’s the bottom line. You may be in college, you may be on a fixed income, you may be stupid with your money, but don’t go to a wedding without a gift. Even if you can’t afford much, get something. It’s classy, it’s important, and it’s what a Grown Man does.

6 Responses to “quit going to weddings empty-handed.”

  1. Pop 2 June 2010 at 11:21 am #

    Good point grown man! And if you’ve only got $20 make sure you get the gift early as the only thing’s left on a registry close to the wedding are $500 Dyson’s and $200 duvets.

  2. Virginia 2 June 2010 at 11:47 am #

    BUY a gift, but don’t BRING it to the wedding. A) It could be stolen, B) the newlywed couple has to figure out how to get the gift home or somewhere. Buy it off the registry and have it sent to their home. Otherwise, sage advice.

    • You're a Grown Man 4 June 2010 at 7:18 am #

      Now there’s a theory I’ve never heard. But it’s brilliant! Well done, Virginia.

  3. Danielle 27 July 2010 at 3:48 pm #

    Ugg wish my husbands groomsmen had read this. My theory is that i had friends who are in bad financial places who gave a gift card within their means, but two of his groomsmen got really nice bottles of liquor as groomsmen gifts but never gave us any sort of gift. This wouldn’t have bothered me as much if they hadn’t decided it’d be funny to take our photo guestbook and grafitti it. If you are going to be trouble at a wedding, bring a REALLY nice gift cuz you want the bride to eventually forgive you.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. write thank you notes. « you're a grown man - 18 June 2010

    […] weddings – the kitschy little thank you card.  Assuming you brought a gift to the wedding, which you should have, somewhere between a week (boring honeymoon) and a year later, you’ll receive mail with the […]

  2. be a good wedding guest. « you're a grown man - 27 July 2010

    […] Bring a gift. I’ve already written a beautiful and touching expository on this so I’ll leave it to myself to prove my own point.  Bottom line: You have no choice, bring […]

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