dress less stupid for weddings & funerals.

8 Apr

I was at a funeral today. It was sad, the music was terrible, the “anybody want to share?” part was drawn-out and awkward, I was wearing a suit. However, what’s almost as sad as the deceased was the appalling choice of outfits for the men in the crowd. Ready for this?

1-Forest green golf shirt, pleated khaki pants, braided leather belt, deck shoes
2-Tommy Bahama-like shirt, jeans, deck shoes
3-Some sort of Under-Armor, muscle man shirt tucked into jeans with a black belt and deck shoes.

For the love of God, let’s set some ground rules for common decency at a wedding or funeral.

-Wear a freaking suit. You’ll never be over dressed, you’ll never be under dressed. Remember: black, charcoal, or blue only, no flair, a tie that would have looked cool 50 years ago, decent shoes.

-If it’s hot, wear a suit – somebody is getting married or dying, you can suck it up.

-If it’s a “casual” wedding on the beach or one of those funerals that try to be all new-wave and Indie by calling themselves a memorial service or a celebration of life (yuck) – wear a suit.

-Let’s say you feel very strongly that wearing a suit will be overkill for your given event. First, ask your more fashionable friend and see what he thinks. However, any male friend gets what I, and the south, call a three-fifths compromise. For the other two-fifths of an opinion, you’ve got to run this by a girl. If she affirms your casual instincts – wear a jacket OR a tie. But for real, it’s important that you not go without one or the other.

Repeat after me:
I [state your name],
promise to dress like I care,
promise to find a dry cleaner and frequent them,
promise to always wear a tie and/or jacket,
and promise to get serious about my marrying and burying fashion.

You may kiss the bride.

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