quit going to the beach alone.

5 Apr

The Mrs. and I were at the beach on Saturday. It was a beautiful day, children were laughing, the sun was intense, and all was well with the world. Until I spotted a lone, sunbathing, fella.

How do I know he was alone? This guy had a radio blasting all the greatest hits of “The 70’s, 80’s, and today”. He had a significant beer belly, $2 sandals, and shockingly florescent sunglasses. Whats more, there was no “wife’s out for a walk on the beach towel” laying beside him. This guy was alone.

Why would you, a grown freakin’ man, go to the beach alone?

Girls: But most of them are in middle or high school and you are 35, not to mention ugly.
Sun: Tans were only attractive to possible suitors in an agrarian society where everyone knew by that sweet bronze tone that you were tilling the hell out of some land. Now, we just know you don’t work in an office and are stoked about going to Hooters.
The beach: Nobody likes the beach. Stay home, rub dirt all over yourself and spray vinegar in your eyes every once in a while. The beach is for people who don’t live close to the mountains or do enjoy the sweet tingle of skin cancer.

Find something else to do with your Saturday than “chillaxing” seaside. Maybe you could fix up that motorcycle that’s been sitting in your moms garage for 15 years.

2 Responses to “quit going to the beach alone.”

  1. grownmidget 26 January 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    A grown man should know that going to the beach to lay in the sand and build sand castles or whatever, even with the Mrs., is about as lame as not owning a suit. Shame, shame. My advice: sell your mountain man chacos and nalgene bottle with all your stickers on eBay at a quarter of the price you bought them for at REI and buy yourself a surfboard, some diving gear, or maybe a fishing pole. My water man will beat your mountain man in an arm wrestling match any day…now that’s manly.

  2. Arnaldo Garzon 21 October 2011 at 3:35 pm #

    I go to the beach alone all the time.
    Solitude.
    Peace.
    Tranquility.
    The lull of the waves.
    Beats being a bitchy blogger, that’s for sure.

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