quit wearing girl jeans.

30 Mar

The current, alarming, trend of fashion jeans for men has prompted me to speak out. This has gone too far.

Here are some basic rules on dungarees:

1- Your jeans may not have any printing, fancy embroidering, or bedazzling. The only embellishment allowed is the gold Levi’s thread.

2- Your jeans should be a regular color. If you want them faded in the knees or ripped in the pockets, wear them for 3 years.

3- You may not wear girl jeans.

“But they just FIT me better!”

I don’t care. You may only wear skinny jeans when, and only when, they begin selling them at your local Sears men’s department or tractor store. The moment you step foot into the sweet-smelling, pastel, lady land of Forever XXI or other such fem-store, you need to turn around. I truly am sorry that your petite bottom is better accented by a size 4 stonewashed pair of Jordache. Hold on, no I’m not. You’re a guy, your butt is unimportant.

24 Responses to “quit wearing girl jeans.”

  1. derektigges 30 March 2010 at 9:23 am #

    Hahahaha… brilliant! You are so right 🙂

    A real man should be wearing masculine jeans, a bit tapered is fine, but not too much. And let’s not forget, skinny jeans hurt the crown jewels.


  2. thoughtsappear 30 March 2010 at 9:40 am #

    I totally agree. Great post!

  3. Cassandra 3 June 2010 at 4:05 am #

    LOL, oh goodness. This horrified woman gives you a hearty THANK YOU from the bottom of her heart.

    The only thing worse than skinny jeans on men, are the ultra-low V necks so many of them are sporting these days. That is the stuff that freakish, effeminate nightmares are made of.

    Where have all the men gone?! Thank you for trying to bring them back… 😀

    I want my jeans back!!!

  4. Tony 4 June 2010 at 6:00 pm #

    I’ve only ever tried on girl’s jeans once, as a laugh, after far too much scotch. Needless to say, they really hurt my nuts; don’t know how so many ‘guys’ deal with it on a daily basis, short of being castrated first.

    Incidentally, the grown woman in my life once told me a story about a guy she used to date who took longer to get ready to go out than she did – to the point where she used to have to talc his legs and pull his jeans on for him while he lay on the bed. If that ain’t the antithesis of manly, I don’t know what is.

  5. George Archer 9 March 2013 at 7:36 am #

    Men’s jeans are simple but if we get the trendy one then we could look fashionable. Along with it if we wear a good pair of shoes which would have a match with the jeans then it enhance the beauty of jeans.

    Jeans Online Shopping

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  1. Ask a Grown Man: Vol. VI « you're a grown man - 22 July 2010

    […] that can replace a hearty hand shake, a cup of coffee, and a thorough discussion on why men must stop wearing skinny jeans.  As the writer of this here blog, I have a responsibility to mind the funny/helpful vs. […]

  2. Ask a Grown Man: Vol. XV | You're A Grown Man - 24 June 2013

    […] to transform every man into some idealized version of masculinity.  I railed against v-necks, skinny jeans, not carrying cash, and basically every fad/fashion that wasn’t timeless.  And while this was, […]

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